IN THE hills of Mid Wales, 25-year-old Michael Hughes is haunted by the sights and sounds of war.
On his 21st birthday, while on patrol in Iraq, Michael saw his friend killed by a roadside bomb. He still cannot talk about the carnage he witnessed on that fatal day.
On the front line feelings of shock and rage were put aside, but after serving in Afghanistan they resurfaced when he returned to his home in Carno.
Since leaving the army, Michael has been left traumatised by the events of war and his mother, Ruth Davies, has witnessed his waking nightmares first hand.
“This one night he was digging up my carpet – it was just, what are you doing? He knew I was in the room but he thought he was digging a trench,” she recalls.
“We had to crawl on the floor and we had to act as if we were in his little gang. He said ‘come on Mam we got to make a plan up’.
“My little granddaughter was here too and he went into her room and said the Taliban were after him. It did upset her, she can’t talk to him any more.
“It really did upset her and it hurt him too because we are a close family, but she was so scared because Uncle Mikey was doing this. It was awful.”
Michael describes the situation as a “living nightmare” where “everything that you don’t want to happen happens.”
The flashbacks have also left terrifying gaps in Michael’s memory.
“He looks around and like oh, there is nothing there. He is blank, it’s as if I didn’t do that it was somebody else, somebody in your head, in your body taking over,” adds Ruth.
“If he’d lost a leg or an arm everybody would be able to see what’s wrong, but if its in your head then nobody understands, it’s just so hard!”
Michael left the army two-years-ago and now works on a farm in Carno.
Working on the farm means he is away from people and questions about the front line. He doesn’t like to recall too much of what happened while out in Afghanistan, but does occasionally confide in his mother.
“There's been little things he’s said,” explains Ruth. “He says you are shooting because you have either got to shoot a kid, or they shoot you.
“But he doesn’t say a lot. He digs holes, he’s got to sleep rough and that’s what he was doing when he came home. He was sleeping downstairs as he wouldn’t sleep on the settee. He would have to sleep on the floor, he used to say he didn’t want comfort, it was awful.”
Explaining why he keeps things bottled up inside him, Michael adds: “I just don’t want her (Ruth) to have the thoughts that I have. It would be too much for her to handle if I told her everything I have done, and what I have seen.
“I’m protecting her more by not saying anything.
“I chanced death a few times. A bullet skimmed my face, if I was looking one way or another that bullet would have killed me, that plays on my mind a lot.
“When you are out there you can’t see the enemy, sometimes you are just shooting into nowhere hoping you are hitting them. You weren’t sure whether a civilian was going to get it or the enemy... sometimes you have got to lose some civilians to make your own ground up to clear the enemy.”
MICHAEL survived his time in Afghanistan but a fresh battle began when he arrived home to his family in Carno.
As a result of what happened during his time on the front line, Michael suffered heavily from Post Traumatic Stress Disorder.
“The first sign is usually alcohol or drug abuse – I didn’t touch drugs but I certainly touched the alcohol side of it,” explained Michael.
“I was always on edge and suffered from anxiety, panic attacks and flashbacks as if I was there. I would put myself in the worst situations out there, for me it was like reliving that battle.
“Drinking was a way of trying to forget what I had seen but it didn’t help at all, but you think it does at the time, it blocks it for a minute or so but they’re always going to be there.”
Michael is at last seeking help from a group called Combat Stress under the guidance of counsellor Mike Burrows.
He says: “It’s usually 14 years from leaving military service to actually asking for our help. some are in major crisis
“They’ve had failed marriages, failed relationships, a lot of them heavily into alcohol. Some have been involved with the police where alcohol and anger issues get them into trouble.
“For every soldier who is killed in places like Afghanistan you can guarantee there’s going to be four or five who are suffering in some way of the experience they’ve had.
“Now some will leave the forces and cope no problem whatsoever, but when they do suffer they suffer,” says Mr Burrows.
Michael’s mother, Ruth Davies, concluded: “It's going to take a long, long time to get better, but I am so proud of him, unbelievably proud!”