THE WII: I HAVE Wii ache. Not the sort that can be fixed by a trip to the doctors and a course of antibiotics, but the sort caused by over exertions on a Christmas present.
My daughters bought me a nunchuk for Christmas. At first it seemed a little odd until I realised that Anna had bought me a Wii console.
And now every night in our house is bowling night. Or golf night.
It won’t last of course. Give it a week and we’ll be back watching reruns of Mock the Week on Dave Ja Vu as if Christmas never happened.
But for now I can be Tiger Woods (in a golfing sense, I haven’t driven our car into any trees recently). Last night was party time as I hit a stunning one-over-par on the nine-hole course, having broken my own personal record at the bowling alley.
Earlier I’d been beaten at 10-pin bowling by a two-year-old.
Technique might be everything with the Wii, but young Seren could only just grasp the controller. Her hands were barely big enough to reach around the back for button B.
But she’d stand up, strike a pose, and hurl it with all her might.
And the ball would fly. Slowly. You’d have time to nip out, put the kettle on, put a load of washing on, and nip back. The ball would still be rolling.
But her lack of technique was - incredibly - working in her favour.
As the ball meandered its way towards the pins you could feel the tension mounting in the room. The crowd were on their feet. Sometimes you wondered if the ball would ever make it, or would just stop dead.
What would happen then? Would the Wii be able to cope, was it designed taking into account two-year-olds who just haven’t the strength?
And then it would hit the first pin. And in what seemed like slow motion they would begin to fall. All of them. She somehow nailed three strikes in a row at one point in the game.
She beat us all. A family thrashed by a child who can’t even climb into the toilet without using a step. But a child 10-pin bowling prodigy it seems.
But back to the aches. We’d played baseball. It hurts. I’m no pitcher it seems, it just left me with sore arms.
Golf was hurting my shoulder.
And as for tennis, well you name it, it seemed to ache for a small while.
More to the point I never did master the backhand - although my service game is pretty impressive.
I’d heard that the Wii was responsible for both a rise in fitness levels among certain social groups, and also a high level of injuries. I can well believe both of these facts. It’s hard work, and that’s without Wii Fit.
And while it’s a computer game, it’s a computer game that for some elements of society will be the only exercise they get. You do wonder though, whether Nintendo ought to be making a small contribution towards the costs of the physiotherapy bills that must be mounting around the country as a result of over exertion.
There’ll be doctors everywhere saying ‘he’s Wii’d himself again’.
There’s one sport on there that is ripe for injury. It almost encourages you to hurt yourself. And no, I’m not talking about the table tennis.
Boxing.... well now. Three rounds with Anna and you feel it. I was knocked to the floor twice. Dazed and confused, couldn’t hit her as she ducked and weaved. And then we even turned the Wii on...