Roadworks aren't a difficult thing to manage, the science isn't complicated, you don't need to have done disruption management at Cleethorpes Polytechnic to get your hands on a few traffic cones.

So why do these roadworks appear to have been put there by morons?
Firstly, as you're travelling south, the lights are placed in a quite simply ridiculous position.

The traffic immediately crosses into the right hand lane, and there – set back about 10 metres into the right hand lane, at an angle and no more than two metres off the ground – are the lights.

The result is that if you are trailing behind anything higher than a small child on a go-kart you can't see the lights, and have to gamble on the colour. Consequently seemingly endless cars go though on red, many probably with no intention to break the law, they just couldn't see the lights so just pressed on.

But this has a knock-on effect, because by the time the northbound lights turn green cars are still flooding through.

So they get frustrated at having to wait, and so decide to go on red as well. Result – chaos.

GREEDY PEOPLE: Having magnanimously decided to give my – admittedly poorly – wife a breather from the children, I took them to the zoo at the weekend.

Just before noon it started to drizzle, which was a cue for lunch in my book, so the three of us headed to the cafe to grab an early lunch.

Now Chester Zoo's cafe is a big disappointment. This is actually a sub-rant, but worth a rant none the less. Why does Chester Zoo, an award-winning visitor attraction which must feed millions of people a year, seem to think people only want to eat pizza, soggy chips, baked potatoes or undercooked over-cheesed wannabee-pasta dishes?

They don't. At least I don't, looking at the amount of chips being consumed maybe people do.

What about themed foods of the world, linked to the animals? A taste of Africa? Or failing that, at least not cooked by my old school chef.

Anyhow, I bought something they told me was a broccoli pasta bake – the jury's still out on the broccoli and pasta but I can confirm it was baked more than enough – and two lunch boxes for the kids.

As it had started raining the cafe soon filled quite quickly.

Soon a lady walked up and asked whether if I minded her family joining me at our bench.

She left her husband and two children and about 10 minutes later returned with some food.

Two baked potatoes smothered in beef stew, and I mean smothered, two lunch boxes – one for each child I assumed – a portion of chips and some chocolate.

Nothing unusual yet, until the husband stood up and proclaimed 'I'd better go and get mine then'.

And he duly returned with a bowl of soup, hot dog and chips, pizza and more chocolate. Oh, and a sandwich, presumably a starter.

Now don't get my wrong, I like food.

But there's no wonder some people in the world are starving...